Well, what a week! The last couple of weeks have been quite challenging for me personally. BUT, this is not a ‘nat moan blog’ so I shall try not to ‘babble away’ and simply ‘get to the point’ (again irony – needlepoint…no…?)
So – I’ll say a little bit about the last couple of weeks, just to give an overview (hopefully) of why I have been cross (mainly at myself) frustrated, helpless, hopeless, depressed and at times thoughtful….
Basically, I’ve had to pull out of work for a little while – a combination of reasons, but largely to do with my ‘disorder demons’ creeping back in to suffocate me and my life… I’ve also found myself getting more and more low in mood/weight and more ‘rigid’ in my eating disorder ways/thoughts. I’ve become (In no uncertain terms) isolated again and although I do try and push myself to see people or do things, this is very much a push, which makes me feel very guilty, especially when people travel to me or take time to see me. Equally, I’m in such a state I worry all I do is moan, not much company!! My health, my appearance, my future, my mood – they’re all spiralling – my therapist said its like a ‘merry go round’ which I need to find how to get off – I can see what she means and I wish I could because, for me and those around me it’s far from merry!
HOWEVER – through these bad periods I have had ‘rays of light’, largely due to amazing people in my life, but also this project going from strength to strength gives me hope/a buzz. rejoining my volunteer role (knitting organiser so still creative), seeking support from the local team, doing yoga with the amazing Sian AND VIP – CROSS STITCHING!
I am realising what a resource it is, I find I can lose myself for hours, especially with a good film on too, I feel a sense of productivity/achievement (ok I still berate it/myself at times- poor design skills/messy stitcher/should be doing something else/lazy) but generally its a positive part of my evening. This is great as I can hopefully create another square, save myself from negative cycles a bit and potentially even encourage others to do the same 🙂
Its always good to hear if others find cross stitch helpful and why, so hopefully this will feature in the overall SOS production! 🙂